Facing Truths

Truth is I got carried away
Truth is things got unmanageable
Truth is I overdid it
Truth is I learned big lessons along the way
  
I am paying for it now, though. I've been stuck in limbo, unable to motivate, unable to focus, unable to literally sit down that I just bought myself a standing desk to help combat this blockage of mine. 

I've been bad about overdoing it before, but never to this degree and never with this feeling of incompetence. 

Looking back, trying to move forward, gives me so many feelings of shame and embarrassment and failure and fear, and I'm working really hard to face these things when I sit down in front of the computer screen. It is very exhausting and it's all in my head. 

So the truth is, I'm the problem. It's me.
And day by day, I am going to face this fear and this state of being to overcome because the big lesson here is to not overdo it again!!!!!!  

I got some tools to help me with that..
For instance, my happy finger is no longer happy~ I call my shutter finger my happy finger because it gets very happy when taking photos that it over takes, it presses the button too many times. 

I then discovered how amazingly fast and accurate my hyper continuous shutter mode is, and that got me into quite a huge gigantic pile of junk photos that takes me time to go through and delete. 

ugh. I did this to myself. piling the baggage of unworthy photography onto myself.. tho it is apart of the process isn't it. I had to learn what NOT to do.. I got a little overexcited about my new camera and all the newness, and that led to now where I am overwhelmed. 

I am OVER IT! 

ok! 

so
I'm going back to the basics of how I used to take photos which is old-school film style  
One. at a time.

I'm going to stay clear from that continuous mode unless I'm shooting babies or dogs. 

And I'm pretty excited about it honestly  

So there the truth is, I dug myself into a big big hole and now I am climbing my way out of it and in the middle of all this, I have been recovering from surgery and working a 12 step program in recovery there so there's been a lot going on in my mind and my body and my day-to-day 

A lot of surrendering and forgiving and accepting happening in my world.

One day at a time, one step at a time, one photo at a time 

Lesson learned: 
More is too much
Pause, take time and take up space. 
No need to rush this art form

Admitting defeat sucks but the only way I see things is ... up from here 🙌🏻💞 
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